Loving Ourselves and Others

Chapter Outline Personal Ties in an Impersonal Society What is Love? Two Things Love Isn’t Self-Esteem as a Prerequisite to Loving Love as Discovery

What Is Love? Love is a deep and vital emotion. Love satisfies legitimate personal needs. Love involves caring and acceptance.

Triangle Theory of LoveThree components of love:1. Intimacy – close, connected feelings.2. Passion – drives that lead to romance,

physical attraction and sexual consummation.

3. Commitment -the decision to love someone and to maintain that love.

Triangle Theory of LoveThree components develop at different

times: Passion is quickest to develop and

quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly. Commitment develops gradually.

The Three Components of Love: Triangular Theory

Six Love Styles1. Eros2. Storge3. Pragma4. Agape5. Ludus6. Mania

Love Isn’t MartyringMartyrs may: Be reluctant to suggest what they want.  Allow others to be constantly late and

never protest. Help loved ones develop talents while

neglecting their own.  Be sensitive to others’ feelings and hide

their own.

Love Isn’t Manipulation Manipulators may: Ask others to do something that they

could do.  Assume that others will happily do

whatever they choose.  Be consistently late.  Want others to help them develop their

talents but seldom think of reciprocating.

Six Pillars of Self-esteem 1. The practice of living consciously.2. The practice of self-acceptance.3. The practice of self-responsibility.4. The practice of self-assertiveness. 5. The practice of living purposefully.6. The practice of personal integrity.

Self-Esteem and Personal RelationshipsPeople with low self-esteem  Experience a persistent need for

affection. Are on the alert for criticism and

remember it for a long time afterward. Often miss cues that other people are

interested. Are prepared for rejection.

Three Basic Styles of Attachment Secure – Trust that the relationship will

provide necessary and ongoing support.  Insecure/anxious – Concern that the

beloved will disappear, a “fear of abandonment”.

 Avoidant – Evades relationships or establishes distance in intimate situations.

Wheel Theory of LoveFour stages of love Rapport – rests on mutual trust and respect Self-revelation – sharing intimate information Mutual dependency – developing

interdependence  Personality need fulfillment – developing

emotional exchange and support

Reiss’s Wheel Theory of the Development of Love

Misconceptions That LimitOur Ability to Maintain Love1. Infatuation equals love; chemistry is all

that matters.2. If it isn’t perfect, it wasn’t meant to be.3. You can’t rekindle passion; once love

dies, you can never get it back.4. There is one true soul mate for

everyone; if you meet the right person, you will live happily ever after.

Misconceptions That LimitOur Ability to Maintain Love5. Love conquers all; if a relationship is tough, it

means you have the wrong partner.6. Love is a static state; once you fall in love,

you get on a high and stay there forever.7. Love is a feeling, and you either have it or you


  • Loving Ourselves and Others
  • Chapter Outline
  • What Is Love?
  • Triangle Theory of Love
  • Slide 5
  • The Three Components of Love: Triangular Theory
  • Six Love Styles
  • Love Isn’t Martyring
  • Love Isn’t Manipulation
  • Six Pillars of Self-esteem
  • Self-Esteem and Personal Relationships
  • Three Basic Styles of Attachment
  • Wheel Theory of Love
  • Reiss’s Wheel Theory of the Development of Love
  • Misconceptions That Limit Our Ability to Maintain Love
  • Slide 16
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