Loving Ourselves and Others
Chapter Outline Personal Ties in an Impersonal Society What is Love? Two Things Love Isn’t Self-Esteem as a Prerequisite to Loving Love as Discovery
What Is Love? Love is a deep and vital emotion. Love satisfies legitimate personal needs. Love involves caring and acceptance.
Triangle Theory of LoveThree components of love:1. Intimacy – close, connected feelings.2. Passion – drives that lead to romance,
physical attraction and sexual consummation.
3. Commitment -the decision to love someone and to maintain that love.
Triangle Theory of LoveThree components develop at different
times: Passion is quickest to develop and
quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly. Commitment develops gradually.
The Three Components of Love: Triangular Theory
Six Love Styles1. Eros2. Storge3. Pragma4. Agape5. Ludus6. Mania
Love Isn’t MartyringMartyrs may: Be reluctant to suggest what they want. Allow others to be constantly late and
never protest. Help loved ones develop talents while
neglecting their own. Be sensitive to others’ feelings and hide
Love Isn’t Manipulation Manipulators may: Ask others to do something that they
could do. Assume that others will happily do
whatever they choose. Be consistently late. Want others to help them develop their
talents but seldom think of reciprocating.
Six Pillars of Self-esteem 1. The practice of living consciously.2. The practice of self-acceptance.3. The practice of self-responsibility.4. The practice of self-assertiveness. 5. The practice of living purposefully.6. The practice of personal integrity.
Self-Esteem and Personal RelationshipsPeople with low self-esteem Experience a persistent need for
affection. Are on the alert for criticism and
remember it for a long time afterward. Often miss cues that other people are
interested. Are prepared for rejection.
Three Basic Styles of Attachment Secure – Trust that the relationship will
provide necessary and ongoing support. Insecure/anxious – Concern that the
beloved will disappear, a “fear of abandonment”.
Avoidant – Evades relationships or establishes distance in intimate situations.
Wheel Theory of LoveFour stages of love Rapport – rests on mutual trust and respect Self-revelation – sharing intimate information Mutual dependency – developing
interdependence Personality need fulfillment – developing
emotional exchange and support
Reiss’s Wheel Theory of the Development of Love
Misconceptions That LimitOur Ability to Maintain Love1. Infatuation equals love; chemistry is all
that matters.2. If it isn’t perfect, it wasn’t meant to be.3. You can’t rekindle passion; once love
dies, you can never get it back.4. There is one true soul mate for
everyone; if you meet the right person, you will live happily ever after.
Misconceptions That LimitOur Ability to Maintain Love5. Love conquers all; if a relationship is tough, it
means you have the wrong partner.6. Love is a static state; once you fall in love,
you get on a high and stay there forever.7. Love is a feeling, and you either have it or you
- Loving Ourselves and Others
- Chapter Outline
- What Is Love?
- Triangle Theory of Love
- Slide 5
- The Three Components of Love: Triangular Theory
- Six Love Styles
- Love Isn’t Martyring
- Love Isn’t Manipulation
- Six Pillars of Self-esteem
- Self-Esteem and Personal Relationships
- Three Basic Styles of Attachment
- Wheel Theory of Love
- Reiss’s Wheel Theory of the Development of Love
- Misconceptions That Limit Our Ability to Maintain Love
- Slide 16